The Window
Available Exclusively to the Unavailable
In a world where scheduling means cross-checking yours, your wife's, your child’s and your nanny's calendar, where the hours between 7:15PM and 9:15PM are reserved for precision-structured leisure time, where the attempt at networking, or sustaining friendships, or getting to the gym is everyone’s decision but your own... there is The Window.
Stop doing the hard work of scheduling. Stop worrying if you can fit it in. With The Window, you’ll realize… you can't. You'll be at work, or at home, or at home working, or at work online shopping for the rest of your life!
Welcome to The Window. Available never.
JK JK. I had a few windows this week. Here’s what fit through:
The First International 8:44PM Film Festival
My wife is asleep by 8:44. This is not an estimate. This is peer-reviewed data collected over six years, gathered by me and my iPhone She will tell you she was “resting her eyes.” She was not resting her eyes. She was gone with the wind(ow).
Which means the window for watching a movie together is roughly 7:15 (baby down) to 8:44 (wife down). Usually, we go for TV, because it’s about the length of two episodes, and also, there are “last time ons” for everything Robyn slept through. But this long weekend, we got in two movies. One of which she actually stayed up for!
Is This Thing On — Bradley Cooper directed Will Arnett and Laura Dern in a tragicomedy about divorce and what it feels like when everything becomes inevitable. It’s thoughtful and funny in a way that you aren’t expecting from Gob Bluth. Arnett does something you rarely see from him — though he’s playing a comedian, there’s far less wink and way fewer bits. It’s really lovely. And Laura Dern is, well, Laura Dern. That is more than enough for me! Very touching, very cute, very good film Bradley Cooper. You may have a career in this.
Song Sung Blue — Kate Hudson and Hugh Jackman in a true story about a Neil Diamond cover band. Nay. A Neil Diamond experience. Come for The Greatest Showman (you guys Hugh Jackman is literally incredible), stay for Kate Hudson turning in a performance that makes you go “oh my god I didn’t realize Kate Hudson could do that.” Apparently, there is drama about her Oscar nom. You guys need to step off. She is GREAT and I will not be taking questions.
Put both on your list.
French Toast Mornings
I used to kind of sort of intermittent fast. I had an informal system. I had a window (different window) between noon and 8 PM where I ate, and outside that window I was mostly disciplined and perpetually insufferable about it. Some of our friends joke about how mean I am when I’m hangry. First of all, how dare you, and second of all, yeah, true.
I think it’s over? My daughter eats breakfast at 7 AM because she is one and doesn’t care about counting her macros. And when Sadie is dancing to Bahbuni and eating french toast, you’re dancing to Bahbuni and eating french toast. That’s not a choice. That’s science.
And I gotta be honest — french toast at 7:05 AM with your kid and your third coffee (yes already) is so much better than whatever I was doing before. Skipping breakfast and being hangry? Over french toast?! What an idiot.
The Inbox Has Decided
Quick public service announcement: we now live in an era where if you open a marketing email — like, even once, even by accident, even because the subject line said “Your order has shipped” and it was a lie — you will receive three (3) additional emails within the hour. This is not a theory, this is fax, as the youths say.
You clicked. You showed intent. You are now in a relationship with a bedsheet company that will email you every day until one of you dies. I bet you’ll be first!
I opened one (1) email this week from a place I bought a coat from in 2023 and I have now received emails about their new spring collection, their founder’s wellness journey, and a “last chance” sale that I promise will not be the last chance. My inbox is not mine. My inbox belongs to a coat company and a baby monitor brand and LinkedIn, who keeps asking me to congratulate people I’ve never met. (Mazel tov, though my bro. You keep grinding.)
Big Dunk Man Get Mad
I didn’t watch the NBA All-Star Game. (The window.) But I saw the clip of Victor Wembanyama getting mad — like, pissed — because he wanted to win. An exhibition game. That did not count. At all.
Wemby’s out there furious because he lost in OT in a friendly! And I love that!
I love when people care about the thing they’re not supposed to care about. When the stakes are fake but the effort is real. When you get mad because you wanna win and you don’t, even if it literally has 0 effect (see: me playing Settlers of Catan at any point in time, also sorry to everyone that’s ever played with me, also you cheated).
Overt enthusiasm is so cool.
Most of what we do every day is an exhibition: a meeting that could’ve been an email, the dinner reservation you stressed about, the Substack post you’re reading right now. None of it matters. But caring about it is what makes it special.
Wemby, I love it. Never change.
Speaking of the NBA, Here’s Some Merch
Many of you know that I am the co-proprietor of a not-defunct but certainly not-active clothing brand called Cousin Julian.
We don’t have a new drop. (Ely, text me.) Buttttttt… I did design a new hat just in time for NBA Playoffs to start ramping up.
Introducing Jalen Brunson and Associates. For all your court room needs.
Basically, I saw a guy wearing a law firm hat one day, it said like “Cohen and Cohen and Cohen LLP” and I thought this would be funny. Robyn wore it to the Knick game last week and two guys (definitely lawyers) thought it was great. Available for purchase now if you want one, or, you know, text me.
We are heading to LA at the end of this week, hit me up if you want to drink matcha lattes and talk about which face lasers to get. Some new projects spinning up, my cousin's 40th birthday, and a genuine attempt to eat somewhere I haven't already written about in this newsletter (but to be real, it’s probably just gonna be South Beverly Grill because Hillstone Forever).
Appreciate your windows when you have them. They will treat you well.
See you next week in Hollywood.
JW
The Max and Helen’s diner in Larchmont is fine. LA influencer propaganda will tell you otherwise but unless you can get a table immediately, you can skip!
When I was visiting your dad in Denver last year he introduced me to the concept of French Toast for the Table. Cathy and I were both flabbergasted and delighted.